First off, I am thankful to my sweet lord, for every day that I have to wake up. That I have movement of all of my limbs, can breathe, walk, and do things on my own.
Unfortunately, I have no clue about how I am the body is going to feel after my eyes fly open every day when I rise up out of the bed.
There are days, now lately, have become few and in between, from the moment my feet hit the floor, I am busy cooking, cleaning, and going about performing the daily requirements of maintaining my life.
During those days, I feel free, almost completely normal, to do what I want, when I want, how I want it, without my brain saying: you need to slow stop, rest, and take a pain pill. All of the things a normal human being does, without any daily restrictions, or limitations; without the frustrating and soul-crushing debilitations that living in chronic pain will bring.
There is a quiet little warning embedded deep within my soul, which has come from hard taught lessons; of living with chronic pain for seven years, that resides within the memory of my poor muscles, and over-stressed nervous system; to not overdo it. Or I will not be able to even rouse myself out of bed the next day and function as a normal resident that dwells within the land of the living.
I suffer from a gigantic list of symptoms that has been growing over time, coming from a combination of torturous illnesses that is a mixture of Autosomal Dominant Polycystic Kidney Disease that hasn’t played itself out to an end-stage yet… Syndrome that has to weaken certain muscles, to cause widespread chronic pain throughout my body. Believe me, when I say: enough specialists have been seen, enough tests have been taken, enough research has been done, and enough money has been spent; for me to come to the conclusion, that there is no known cure for these problems. These facts are a harsh reality, I have accepted, and have had to live with on an everyday basis.
Don’t get it twisted, my reality is: there are times I feel like, I am half the person I used to be. There are times that I am inconsistent in nearly everything that I do, because of the chronic pain I experience on a daily basis, limits my activities, social life, and career goals. I am facing the largest apparently never-ending adversity in my life. There are times that I feel living with chronic pain, is miserable, discouraging, depressing and just plain sucks.
However, looking on the brighter side of things; I am grateful that, I am as well as I am, and can share my story. To be a living epistle, to show others, that I refuse to allow the daily circumstances of my reality as a pain sufferer, to define who I am as a person. To limit me, to what I can or cannot achieve. Or what kind of life I should or should not live. I also, refuse to allow the chronic pain in my life to cause me to become defeated and give up. To make a career out of writing, no matter what!
I am hoping that this small glimpse inside my life, will inspire others in keeping their hope alive, to not give up on their lives, because of the present circumstances they are facing.
As I have shown, I am trying my hardest to do the same.